Quote

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Wives
Jewish
Humor
Comedy
Wife
Dies
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Image
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
Image
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
Image
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Image
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Image
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
Image
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Image
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Image
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
Image
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
Image
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
Image
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
Image
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
Image
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Image
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Image
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman