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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Afraid
Humor
Dead
Comedy
Guy
Clubs
Funny
Played
Wanted
Time
Tough
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
