Quote

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wanted
Played
Time
Tough
Afraid
Humor
Dead
Comedy
Guy
Funny
Clubs

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman