Quote

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Comedy
Guy
Funny
Clubs
Wanted
Played
Time
Tough
Afraid
Humor
Dead

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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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