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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Clubs
Wanted
Played
Time
Tough
Afraid
Humor
Dead
Comedy
Guy
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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