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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Chicago
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Women
Ernest
Men
Introduction
Earnest
Frank
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman