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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Comedy
Funny
Women
Ernest
Men
Introduction
Earnest
Frank
Chicago
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
