Quote

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Rooms
Hospitality
Comedy
Knocking
Funny
Hotel
Girl
Finally
Night
Door
Doors
Room

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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