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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Room
Humor
Rooms
Hospitality
Comedy
Knocking
Funny
Hotel
Girl
Finally
Night
Door
Doors
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
