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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Hotel
Girl
Finally
Night
Door
Doors
Room
Humor
Rooms
Hospitality
Comedy
Knocking
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
