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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Diaries
Trip
Slow
Kept
Horse
Journey
Jockey
Humor
Jockeys
Funny
Diary

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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