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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Slow
Kept
Horse
Journey
Jockey
Humor
Jockeys
Funny
Diary
Diaries
Trip
More quotes by Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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