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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Diary
Diaries
Trip
Slow
Kept
Horse
Journey
Jockey
Humor
Jockeys

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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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