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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Jockeys
Humor
Diary
Funny
Diaries
Trip
Slow
Kept
Horse
Jockey
Journey
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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