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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Horse
Journey
Jockey
Humor
Jockeys
Funny
Diary
Diaries
Trip
Slow
Kept

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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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