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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Way
Findings
Finding
Everywhere
Husband
Inspiration
Wife
Back
Anniversary
Take
Keeps

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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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