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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Back
Anniversary
Take
Keeps
Way
Findings
Finding
Everywhere
Husband
Inspiration
Wife
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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