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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Inspiration
Wife
Back
Anniversary
Take
Keeps
Way
Findings
Finding
Everywhere
Husband
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
