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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Way
Findings
Finding
Everywhere
Husband
Inspiration
Wife
Back
Anniversary
Take
Keeps

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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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