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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
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Drinking
Eighty
Booze
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Bottle
Grandpa
Food
Grandchildren
Cocktails
Doesn
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Stills
Grandmother
Grandma
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Alcohol
Grandparent
Right
Glasses
Drank
Eyeglasses
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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