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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Mother
Took
Back
Journey
Humor
Pleasure
Airport
Law
Airports
Funny
Trip
Family
Silly
Inspirational
Travel
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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