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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Mother
Took
Back
Journey
Humor
Pleasure
Airport
Law
Airports
Funny
Trip
Family
Silly
Inspirational
Travel
More quotes by Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
