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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Family
Silly
Inspirational
Travel
Mother
Took
Back
Journey
Humor
Pleasure
Airport
Law
Airports
Funny
Trip
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
