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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Family
Silly
Inspirational
Travel
Mother
Took
Back
Journey
Humor
Pleasure
Airport
Law
Airports
Funny
Trip
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
