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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Inspirational
Travel
Mother
Took
Back
Journey
Humor
Pleasure
Airport
Law
Airports
Funny
Trip
Family
Silly
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
