Quote

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Inspirational
Travel
Mother
Took
Back
Journey
Humor
Pleasure
Airport
Law
Airports
Funny
Trip
Family
Silly

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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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