Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Law
Airports
Funny
Trip
Family
Silly
Inspirational
Travel
Mother
Took
Back
Journey
Humor
Pleasure
Airport
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
