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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Woman
Anniversary
Years
Sarcastic
Love
Forty
Finds
Kill
Comedy
Wife
Funny
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
