Quote

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wife
Funny
Woman
Anniversary
Years
Sarcastic
Love
Forty
Finds
Kill
Comedy

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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman