Quote

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Woman
Anniversary
Years
Sarcastic
Love
Forty
Finds
Kill
Comedy
Wife
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman