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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Evil
Alcohol
Drunkenness
Book
Drinking
Alcoholics
Gave
Whiskey
Drink
Liquor
Humor
Drank
Crazy
Evils
Fermentation
Reading
Favourite
Booze
Read
Beer
Cocktails
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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