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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Reading
Favourite
Booze
Read
Beer
Cocktails
Evil
Alcohol
Drunkenness
Book
Drinking
Alcoholics
Gave
Whiskey
Drink
Liquor
Humor
Drank
Crazy
Evils
Fermentation
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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