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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Read
Beer
Cocktails
Evil
Alcohol
Drunkenness
Book
Drinking
Alcoholics
Gave
Whiskey
Drink
Liquor
Humor
Drank
Crazy
Evils
Fermentation
Reading
Favourite
Booze
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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