Quote

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Golf
Playing
Comedy
Two
Rake
Today
Rakes
Good
Golfing
Stepped
Balls

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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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