Quote

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Two
Rake
Today
Rakes
Good
Golfing
Stepped
Balls
Golf
Playing
Comedy

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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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