Quote

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Comedy
Two
Rake
Today
Rakes
Good
Golfing
Stepped
Balls
Golf
Playing

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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman