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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Holidays
Holiday
Atheist
Atheism
Gave
Become
Wanted

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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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