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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wanted
Holidays
Holiday
Atheist
Atheism
Gave
Become

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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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