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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Holiday
Atheist
Atheism
Gave
Become
Wanted
Holidays

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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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