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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wanted
Holidays
Holiday
Atheist
Atheism
Gave
Become

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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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