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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Atheism
Gave
Become
Wanted
Holidays
Holiday
Atheist

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman