Quote

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Long
Secret
Witty
Candlelight
Time
Times
Dinner
Tuesday
People
Funny
Dancing
Anniversary
Two
Marriage
Restaurant
Littles
Relationship
Friday
Music
Goes
Dating
Little
Week
Restaurants
Tuesdays
Take
Asks
Soft
Fridays

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
Image
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
Image
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Image
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Image
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
Image
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
Image
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
Image
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
Image
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
Image
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
Image
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Image
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
Image
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
Image
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
Image
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Image
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
Image
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman