Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Long
Secret
Witty
Candlelight
Time
Times
Dinner
Tuesday
People
Funny
Dancing
Anniversary
Two
Marriage
Restaurant
Littles
Relationship
Friday
Music
Goes
Dating
Little
Week
Restaurants
Tuesdays
Take
Asks
Soft
Fridays
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman