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Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

Helen Rowland

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Helen Rowland
Age: 74 †
Born: 1875
Born: January 1
Died: 1950
Died: January 1
Humorist
Journalist
Point
Woman
Men
Roasting
Stops
Wedding
Begins

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It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying it's separating himself from all the others.
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No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree she just naturally becomes a Master of Arts and a Doctor of Philosophy after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
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A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
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A woman flees from temptation, but a man just crawls away from it in the cheerful hope that it may overtake him.
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Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.
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Estimated from a wife's experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.
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Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst end of the bargain.
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Before marriage, when a woman speaks to a man in an undertone, he calls it cooing after marriage, he calls it nagging.
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When a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay her – and usually it's the last.
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A man is like a cat chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
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A bachelor has to have an inspiration for making love to a woman--a married man needs only an excuse.
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After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.
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Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?
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There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age.
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A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.
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What a man calls his 'conscience' is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.
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Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
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In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.
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A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last.
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A man seldom thinks of marrying when he meets his ideal woman he waits until he gets the marrying fever and then idealizes the first woman he happens to meet.
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