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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
Harriet Lerner
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Harriet Lerner
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner
Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid - they also ask, Do you forgive me?, because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.
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