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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Pose
Threat
Silence
Greater
Difficult
Truth

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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Believing that all women should want to be mothers makes about as much sense as believing that all men should want to be engineers.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people out of their homeland and bringing them here in chains. There is no adequate apology for the ongoing horrific legacy of racism.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
Harriet Lerner