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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Difficult
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Threat
Silence
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Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
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