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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Initially
Attracts
Later
Usually
Becomes
Problem

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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