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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
Harriet Lerner
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Harriet Lerner
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner
Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people out of their homeland and bringing them here in chains. There is no adequate apology for the ongoing horrific legacy of racism.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
Harriet Lerner
If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
Harriet Lerner
Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
Harriet Lerner
The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
Harriet Lerner