Quote

Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.

Harriet Lerner

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Harriet Lerner
Although
Tend
Words
Two
Confuse
Intimacy
Intensity

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

Image
I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
Harriet Lerner
Image
There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people out of their homeland and bringing them here in chains. There is no adequate apology for the ongoing horrific legacy of racism.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
Harriet Lerner
Image
We all fear change, even as we seek it.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
Harriet Lerner
Image
It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
Harriet Lerner