Quote

Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.

Harriet Lerner

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Harriet Lerner
Intensity
Although
Tend
Words
Two
Confuse
Intimacy

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

Image
Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
Harriet Lerner
Image
We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
Harriet Lerner
Image
If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
Harriet Lerner
Image
You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
Harriet Lerner
Image
It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid - they also ask, Do you forgive me?, because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
Harriet Lerner