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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
Harriet Lerner
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Harriet Lerner
Although
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner
The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Believing that all women should want to be mothers makes about as much sense as believing that all men should want to be engineers.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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