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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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