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We all fear change, even as we seek it.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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