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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
Harriet Lerner
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Harriet Lerner
Knowing
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner
If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
Harriet Lerner
What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
Harriet Lerner
Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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Believing that all women should want to be mothers makes about as much sense as believing that all men should want to be engineers.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
Harriet Lerner
If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
Harriet Lerner
If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
Harriet Lerner
Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid - they also ask, Do you forgive me?, because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.
Harriet Lerner
The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
Harriet Lerner
It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
Harriet Lerner
deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
Harriet Lerner
Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
Harriet Lerner
Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
Harriet Lerner
Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
Harriet Lerner
