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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Many
Occur
Anger
Choose
Problems
Relationship
Problem
Self

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deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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