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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
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Problems
Relationship
Problem
Self
Many
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Anger

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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.
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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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