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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Choose
Problems
Relationship
Problem
Self
Many
Occur
Anger

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
Harriet Lerner
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
Harriet Lerner
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
Harriet Lerner
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
Harriet Lerner
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
Harriet Lerner