Quote

Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Problem
Self
Many
Occur
Anger
Choose
Problems
Relationship

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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Believing that all women should want to be mothers makes about as much sense as believing that all men should want to be engineers.
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The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.
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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
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Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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