Quote

Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.

Harriet Lerner

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Harriet Lerner
Clear
Acceptable
Talk
Requires
Take
Limits
Important
Emotional
Things
Relationship
Position
Clarify
Stand
Tolerable
Issues
Openly

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

Image
You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
Harriet Lerner
Image
If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
Harriet Lerner
Image
We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid - they also ask, Do you forgive me?, because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.
Harriet Lerner
Image
What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
Harriet Lerner
Image
the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
Harriet Lerner