Quote

You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.

Harriet Lerner

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Harriet Lerner
Family
Insulate
Prospective
Evaluate
Partner
Partners
Relationship
Friends

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

Image
Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
Harriet Lerner
Image
The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
Harriet Lerner
Image
It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
Harriet Lerner
Image
the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
Harriet Lerner
Image
No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
Harriet Lerner
Image
As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
Harriet Lerner
Image
There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people out of their homeland and bringing them here in chains. There is no adequate apology for the ongoing horrific legacy of racism.
Harriet Lerner
Image
It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
Harriet Lerner
Image
If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
Harriet Lerner
Image
deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
Harriet Lerner
Image
Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
Harriet Lerner