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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Distance
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Law
Physics
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Pursue

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid - they also ask, Do you forgive me?, because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
Harriet Lerner